i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
