Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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