just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
