I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
