God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
