Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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