Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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