I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
