I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My liver just broke up with me...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
