you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
whose parrot is this?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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