He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
