Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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