Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I need water and some morals
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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