Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
