yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
