Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
