Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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