I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
