why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
