i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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