Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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