As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
