Quick, to the slutcave!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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