This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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