Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
