sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
