She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Liz is crying about burritos again.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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