so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
