Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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