If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
