And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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