He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
