i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
