paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
