she looked like the before picture.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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