If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
