I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i believe in u and ur pee
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
