Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
God, you're like boner-b-gone
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
try to milk me bitch
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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