I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
