his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
