Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
