I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
