WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I need moral support for this bender
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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