We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
