Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
