Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
