TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
