Jerry, you need to find god
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
