Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
