is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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