dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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