I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
