I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
