I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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