Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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