peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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