How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
not ubering you a puppy
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
