I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
